In 2018 I started a series of self-portraits that I called “me through the storm” and actually the term storm suited my psychological situation well. As before a storm, I had always believed I was a person capable of calm and reasoning especially during difficulties, especially in front of a completely open sea made of variables.
I did not realize that instead I was accumulating thoughts, frustrations and I was using the binoculars in reverse, trying to look beyond my present and past problems. I went on like this for years, then in 2017 there was the break … and the well-defined thought that I would never get out of this storm. Like the best of captains, I also showed myself safe and calm because this is what you ask and then inexorably leads you to drown. In reality, the only thing that saved me was asking for help, that help that I had always been willing to give to others and that allowed me to stow my thoughts somewhere inside myself.
After 4 years from that moment, I have healed my mind until I can say that now I have learned to manage myself. No, I’m not healed because you don’t run away from your past and your being but you can accept or at least try.
Now that my mind is steady, I realize that I have completely removed the contact with my body. In recent years I have mistreated him, filled him with medicines, I asked him to welcome a life and to recover from the metamorphosis that always follows.
Now I take back the helm of this boat that I used as a means of rescue but which is basically me.